dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
