I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
