two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i now understand why vodka
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
