my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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