No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
