That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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