Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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(224): View more from Illinois

This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.

(309): View more from Illinois

Too low?

(224): View more from Illinois

Yes.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Happy birthday, you long dick monster

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(407): View more from Florida

I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.

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(314): View more from Missouri

THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.

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