why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
