sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
