wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
