Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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