i already hear my dad disowning me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
