Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize