so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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