Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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