i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
