Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
