i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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