Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
