she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize