So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
