Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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