Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His hands were made for my vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
