summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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