Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
