my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
