its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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