That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
