It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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