I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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