youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
