Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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