Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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