wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize