I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
