Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
