I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
