I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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