Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
