Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
