This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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