What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize