yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
