He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
