Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
