Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
