My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
