I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
