I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You're like the curious george of whores
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
