I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
