My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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