if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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