Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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