Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside

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(775): View more from Nevada

So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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(206): View more from Washington

Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?

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(616): View more from Michigan

No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.

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(571): View more from Virginia

you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again

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(519): View more from Ontario

There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.

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