hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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