I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
