God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
