Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
