dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
