The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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