I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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