i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
