i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
