1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
