false alarm. still invincible.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
