I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
