everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He kissed a someone with a penis
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
God, I missed his penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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