u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize