All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
