So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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